I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just want to make out with him forever
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
