I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
