You can't special order awesome
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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