Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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