so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
