she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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