I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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