Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
