Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
