We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
