I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
