My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
