You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
