Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
