y did u give ur computer a hand job?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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