I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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