My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
