hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
