sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
