so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
