I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i've created a new STD.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
