Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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