I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
