I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
