people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
