I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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