do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
