She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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