I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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