Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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