Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
