Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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