no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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