some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
tell me about the eggs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
