you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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