so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
