I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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