I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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