Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
