So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
