I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
