I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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