i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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