did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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