Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
