I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
