Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
