using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
