I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
