They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
