that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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