Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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